Where Did Esperanza Go?

I’ve been hesitant about writing this post because it’s somehow personal and well not blog related for professionalism for the reason of this blog but I felt the need to write this.

The past couple of weeks it wasn’t easy for me to be free. Turns out taking six subjects isn’t easy, I have a lot of homework that involves writing and a hell a lot of reading (preparing) which I don’t have anytime for any ANY outside readings.

 I’m not complaining I’m having fun it’s what they call guilty pleasure. I just now know that I’ve chosen the right path in my studies something that I love and enjoy even if  it means it takes most of my time.

The other thing is I’ve been in this 5 day program with Dr. Moosa Al-Jowaiser{which I successfully PASSED} (to register visit their site here). It about knowing yourself and how to grasp yourself in a good way.

I cried two days in a row in public realizing how much I’ve underestimated myself. How much I tried to be that someone who pleases everyone but not pleasing the most important person alive which is me.

It was really hard more like putting alcohol on a deep wound, it hurts but you need to be healed. I felt like I was stripped naked from clothing that I wasn’t aware of wearing, or maybe I didn’t want to be aware of.

I no longer want to put on that mask I’ve done a lot for all it’s time that I acknowledge Esperanza. I need to learn to forgive myself and give myself credit for the good things that I do. It’s time that I take less care of people and more care of me.

I need to tell myself: that I’m a beautiful person inside out. The world needs me for who I am. I need to stop being the perfect person for everyone and be the person that I want to see. And most importantly love myself all the way.

All I really wanted are kind words sent for me, a simple touch/gesture, some love, acknowledgment but as it looks like it’s too much to ask.

Here I come to say regardless: I am a Catalyst and proud!!

I’m most probably not saying this to this guy or girl behind the screen as much as I am telling myself this.

First step is to speak to myself as a dear  friend. It won’t be easy and it will most defiantly take a large of time, in the end it’ll be worth every minute of it.

I hope I did make sense and if I didn’t keep in mind I was talking to myself in the first place. But learn about the Cataylst me in the following pictures.

(click on picture to enlarge)

Esperanza Writes

2 thoughts on “Where Did Esperanza Go?

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s