Aside from being fat, which I think by now you are getting the full picture about my struggles being fat, I wasn’t your typical girl you would see next door. You see my interests are different from any um.. “girl”.
The thing with girls like me in this society is that we struggle because we are different. Different as in how we present ourselves and our interests as I said before. people think if you are a girl and not interested in girls’ stuff if you don’t like makeup, if you don’t like shopping, if you fail into trying to fit in then there must be something wrong with you. You are probably “gay’, and yes a lot of which have questioned my feminism, not because I didn’t look like a girl (which I could assure you I looked like a girl and nevertheless I didn’t act like a boy) but because what I’m like and don’t like contradicted what most girls are interested in. As if being different is a violation against a governmental law.They had made their desicion I need to be changed, without consulting me if I wanted to or not.
So often did they try change me. They tried to make me fit in. Is it not enough that you are fat you are different too? As shallow as this sounds but it was the ugly truth. And so often have I gave in to be honest, trying to please others and letting go of who I am but you see you can’t take the spots out of the leopard can you?
Social gatherings wasn’t my thing either. I hated how people would look at everything I come to put in my mouth, observe what I at and put notes in their minds that they will forget later on and only pointed out when they had no other thing to say “I noticed you eat this, maybe that is why you are getting fatter.” Sitting with them was an obligation. I hated it but I had to. I made mental notes to myself to be careful what to eat in front of them, better yet not eat anything at all. I did not need anymore people who judge just by my looks. I hated them, I loathed them (technically I only hate their thinking not the people themselves). Stereotypes they are. I did not talk that much. I had nothing to say I just listened to those conversation that I think of as trifling.