I had a dream.

I cannot remember the dream that well but there is a precise incident that kept me going. In the dream I was having a conversation with my friend. She was saying something that I do not remember now but when she finished her point I got up and said “Your words inspired me. I’m going to write a blog post now”. The dream ended at that. I don’t remember how and on what did she inspire me with I just know that I grew frustrated that I lost this source of inspiration once I opened my eye. I thought that I need this “inspiration”. I have been numb for a while I need something to dazzle with.


Isn’t what we all need. Forget food being the source of life. Forget that we need to breathe in order to live. Forget senses. Forget everything. Inspiration is the reason for our liveliness. Without inspiration we are like zombies with heartbeats. 

Continue reading Robbed

Bear My Thoughts (Pun Intended)

I have disappeared the past couple of months into a vacuum. However, I have not disappeared because of nothing but because all my energy has been focused on writing essays for my subjects on a weekly basis and whenever I got free time I would prefer spending it with putting my brains on a snooze mode.

Here, I am finally free (technically I was free a week ago) and I am in a holiday. It has been hectic trying to pull in everything I missed on out since the semester has started and doing the things that I love. Like watching movies where during the course I have alternated it with YouTube videos just to spare the time- because I could not just simply sit down and watch a movie for a period of time (even though I did it on rare basis). Reading, I miss reading outside materials that does not involve anything related to college, every time I attempt to pick a book a find myself not having time to read it and read college material- or feeling guilty that I am not reading the “suppose to read” stuff on the price of “self enjoyment” material. Add to that, writing outside stuff like writing this post- or simply just pouring my thoughts without thinking twice about what I should be or should not be writing and how “formal” the essay should be. Or that it should be flawless of grammatical errors (which will you be seeing a lot in this blog because I do not revise twice upon the post I have written- it is informal and I’m free to speak hence, no grading) just to be to the point and valid with the points I’m stating. It is kind of frustrating at times especially when each doctor had his/her own way of approving which is a good essay and which is not.

Lastly, hibernating- yes like a bear.

Continue reading Bear My Thoughts (Pun Intended)

The Innie in Introverts

One of my blog readers, also a blogger herself, Sarah expressed her concerns about  being an introvert when I mentioned in my previous  post that I was one. I found that I had a lot to say and explain about the misconceptions of being an introvert. To be frank, I wanted to write about this subject a long time ago yet I was flirting with this idea and I thought that now everybody knows about it. Turns out I was wrong. I guess now is my lawful duty to explain and talk about the fact of being an introvert. So this post is dedicated to all introverts, specifically speaking to Sarah. 🙂

Introversion and Extroversion are a part of long way study of personalities. To be anyone of those is not a phase or something that you will eventually “get over with”. It is genetics more like the color of your eyes. What does it mean to be an introvert? Introverts, unlike extroverts, tend to find their comfort zone within themselves. Meaning that they feel at ease and at home when they are alone doing whatever they indulge in, or not doing anything at all. They tend to speak less in public, especially when there are more than four people surrounding. And when given a choice to either go to a party or stay at home doing nothing, they will hold on to staying at home with their claws, jaws, and about anything that clutches this.

People like to pity them and in general would call them “loners”. What they don’t get is that introverts enjoy this to the max. They do not see the enjoyment in going out and being socially active; and because one out of three are born to be introverts, they are a minority and they are seen to be “weird” and they try to push them away from their weirdness. That is a myth along with many others. 

Continue reading The Innie in Introverts

Did You Smile Today?

Around six months ago I started a survey via internet around the subject “Smiling”. Many bloggers (such as Kuwaitiful , HisHersQ8, Q8blend .. and so forth) who helped spreading the survey, many online people (that I know and don’t know) kindly participated in this survey, even though it had nothing to with cookies ;p. The sum of 71 different people helped make this survey possible for analysis. So 71 thanks to all of you there. Thank you very much!! To read the result I have pdf-ed them for the world to view here ( A_Survey_on_Smiling (2) ).

Just so I can include in the picture to why I proceeded with such a survey. I know smiling has such a huge effect on people it is mentioned in our Sunna as the following pictures says:

And it is as well studied in a scientific form where the result that smiling releases some kind of endorphin (?)  that is such a mood lifter. However, here is my own insights on this subject. Before six months I had one of my many crazy ideas to show people how much it is important to smile and in a way to show it through a miniature study. A part of this study is a ten question survey (above) which is not that deep only a quick, broad questions on the effect of smiling on one’s mood, and on strangers (I do confess that it may hold a part of errors there, but generally it is good according to content. Check it yourself).

The second part of the study (or whatever it is supposed to be called) is based on my own actions. Six months ago I decided to pack a bag of smiles and to distribute them on people that either I hardly know or did not know at all. Six months ago I did not know anybody in college, let us just say I spent all my time either reading, studying, writing with barely any human interaction outside of class. Which is normal, it is not a pity at all where I was an introvert by nature. Except for the sake of the study, I started to slowly edge away from my usual self and smile to almost everyone I came across to. At first I was self-observed where  I was not comfortable at all with this whole “Smiling at strangers” thing. However, I sensed through my efforts to smile that people started to open up to me, get closer and not fear my existence. Gradually I started to smile more often until it became a habit of mine.  I would smile to the cleaner at college and she would be filled with joy for this small gesture, this smile little thing made wonders. I really do not know how much the effect is but in return I go a huger smile that made me smile more. This just brightened my day.

People started to open up with what they felt about me. One girl told, whom I had classes with last year, said to me that before she thought I was a deeply self-involved person that has a weight of life time problems on my shoulder, yet when I first smiled at her, that one single smile everything changed since then. Now she sees me as a totally different person. I’m fully aware that my smile is not magical or sensational I just believe that the act of purely smiling changes everything. Because I’ve went through it I could now say that smiling is not just a gesture it is a mood lifter, it really did effect me in a pleasant way, and so it did effect others as well.

Just a week ago the man at Coffee Republic in his Indian accent told the other employee “She’s a good girl”, I smiled and said “Who my friend?” He replied, “No, You!” And I asked with amazement, “Why?” Then he answered with something that made me smile more, “Because you smile.”

I do not know what is your position right now or later on. We all have our days and self-doubt, but in the end I do believe that a smile is a beginning of a change. A smile makes your day better, and I speak of experience. 🙂


-Esperanza Writes

Under the Name of Religion

I hope this won’t be sidetracking under the wrong way or understood in a different way. All I am to say here is out of love of my religion. I love my religion so much and I do believe in it’s superiority and the justice it gives and it hurts me and makes me angry when people, well known people scratches such a sacred thing. It is my duty now I understand to voice myself through this post.

Islam is such an amazing religion and I thank Allah a thousand times, even though it is not enough, that I am inborn with a religion where  answers to everything lies there. Where we have the sacred Holy Quran as our source. Islam is beautiful and that is a fact.

Lately as we go on with science and discoveries and everything that blows the mind we come to meet people who opposes it “under the name of religion” that this is forbidden or haram without any evidence to whatever they are submitting. The one and only source to their saying is a formulated opinion of theirs under whatever they see and think, over the surface, is wrong. Now I do not mean the obvious things that Allah and his Prophet Muhammad ( Sallah Allah Alaihi wa Salam) stated as it is there is no questioning  it. Yet here I’m talking about the evolve of science about people trying so hard and go on with their analysis and then BAM someone corrupts the name of religion and says “You know what this is haram” when they know nothing about this new thing.

Allow me to state an example when magicians came out they opposed them and said that they probably working with demons or “Jinn” and the truth is all of this is just allusion trying to trick you . You think they would show you their tricks? Of course not then what is the use if they reveal their things? This is just a stupid example but this is the truth everything new comes out someone goes out and shouts “This is forbidden”.

I’m a religious person. I believe in everything that Allah stated is right and justice without questioning it, here I’m not opposing religion I’m only opposing certain people who under the name of Islam pass their own judgment. Allah the Almighty said:

 (وَمَا أُوتِيتُمْ مِنَ الْعِلْمِ إِلَّا قَلِيلًا) [الإسراء: 85].

Allah says that we still have a long run to discover all the knowledge that is on earth and even then we won’t find it. So why go against all the knew discoveries when Allah and his Prophet encourged us to search and to make  earth a better place:

عن أنسٍ رضيَ الله عنه عن النبي (صلى الله عليه و سلم)  قال :

( إِنْ قَامَتْ السَّاعَةُ وَفي ِيَدِ أَحَدِكُمْ فَسِيلَةٌ ،فَإِنْ اسْتَطَاعَ أَنْ لَا يَقُومَ حَتَّى يَغْرِسَهَا؛ فَلْيَغْرِسْها )‏.

Ages ago people thought that the earth is flat, now with technology and new sciences we know that the earth is rounded. Who knows what will be discovered in the next years. If science had stopped the world would have stopped. If you want to state your own opinion that you did not like something, be my guest and say whatever you want you are free. Formulate your opinion as you want just don’t say it under the name of religion, do not go on and saying nonsense over things you do not own any knowledge of. If you see a certain thing that you think goes against our religion then go deep, look into it, provide it with evidence from the Quran and the Sunna, then you have the right to have a say under religion. Otherwise, you are not entitled to scratch such a sacred thing. Islam is rich. It is beautiful. It is justice. It is created by the creator Allah (Subhanah Wa Ta’ala) why wouldn’t be fair?

This is a post defending Islam, my beloved religion.

-Esperanza Writes


The following may be a description of my view or what I see, it is not necessarily the same situation for everyone of you. Having said that, this also does not mean that it is not your case. You know the moments where you think that you are the only one in the world who does a certain thing or thinks in a certain way and then you mention it to someone and turns out you are not after all the only person with that certain thing/thinking? Well this might be the case here.  That being cleared let us move on.

You know when you just stand there looking at the highway either from your window or from anywhere else (in my case from my bedroom window) where you just keep on looking, thinking but not really thinking of anything? When you decide that while you are at it you might as well count how many red cars pass (or in your case it might be another color). Then you start counting onetwothreefourteen… probably a quarter of an hour had passed and you are still counting… thirtythirty-one… then you wake up, realizing things. Realizing that you might have counted the same red car twice, that the same red car might have been going back and forth. You realize that you could go on and on till eternity and not be able to count all the red cars passing. Realizing it is more or less like counting the stars. Then realizing that what you were doing is just nonsense, useless nonsense. Then you go away proceeding to do what you were doing.

The point is… I do not really know what is the point.

It probably could be that there is nothing wrong with counting how many red cars had passed.

It probably could be that maybe there is more to life than observing but to start it you have to observe.

It probably could be that maybe at some point in your life you need to just stand, think, and then go on.

The point is… I do not really know what is the point it is just a bunch of cars on a highway.

-Esperanza Writes

I’m Mad Because

I’m Mad,

Because if I chose to wear shoes on carpet and be barefoot outside it is wrong.

Because If I want to wear  my clothes backwards it is not correct.

I’m Mad,

Because If I want to write “IT” instead of “it” it is grammatically incorrect.

Because if I misspelled a word it is wrong.

I’m Mad,

Because when I say something I’m not to be believed but when they say the same thing they are always right!

I’m Mad,

Because they abuse religion to their own benefit. When  religion is right but they are inhumane.

I’m Mad,

Because black is seen and white is not seen.

Because the world pretends instead of be.

I’m Mad,

Because masks are worn and what is beneath hurts.

Because although I’m happy there is a side of me that is sad.

I’m Mad,

Because when they say they are “all ears” they are actually only hearing instead of listening.

I’m Mad,

Because one minute I’m happy and the other minute I’m not.

I’m Mad, 

Because they don’t cherish what they have and exceed the limits to have what they don’t have, even if it means they will hurt others, even if others are the closest to them.

I’m mad at the world and at myself for not being there, accepting the differences, and making a better world, a better place.

Bottom line…. I am Mad

Beale: I don’t have to tell you things are bad. Everybody knows things are bad. It’s a depression. Everybody’s out of work or scared of losing their job. The dollar buys a nickel’s worth; banks are going bust; shopkeepers keep a gun under the counter; punks are running wild in the street, and there’s nobody anywhere who seems to know what to do, and there’s no end to it.

We know the air is unfit to breathe and our food is unfit to eat. And we sit watching our TVs while some local newscaster tells us that today we had fifteen homicides and sixty-three violent crimes, as if that’s the way it’s supposed to be!

We all know things are bad — worse than bad — they’re crazy.

It’s like everything everywhere is going crazy, so we don’t go out any more. We sit in the house, and slowly the world we’re living in is getting smaller, and all we say is, “Please, at least leave us alone in our living rooms. Let me have my toaster and my TV and my steel-belted radials, and I won’t say anything. Just leave us alone.”

Well, I’m not going to leave you alone.

I want you to get mad!

I don’t want you to protest. I don’t want you to riot. I don’t want you to write to your Congressman, because I wouldn’t know what to tell you to write. I don’t know what to do about the depression and the inflation and the Russians and the crime in the street.

All I know is that first, you’ve got to get mad.

You’ve gotta say, “I’m a human being, goddammit! My life has value!”

So, I want you to get up now. I want all of you to get up out of your chairs. I want you to get up right now and go to the window, open it, and stick your head out and yell,

“I’m as mad as hell,

and I’m not going to take this anymore!!”

-Esperanza Writes