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My office decoration. Reflects my inside :p

 

I’m back to life. Technically, I was never in life. I mean I was in life. The only time I time I was in life is when I was in university and I was actually enjoying life through a world of unspeakable pleasures: good theoretical literature and good company. But that ended as soon as it started. Now, I’m in the sidewalk with many other people looking at the cars (specifically at the Bentleys , the Mercedes,  the Maseratis …etc) pass by and walking slower than a snail.

Don’t get me wrong this isn’t a sad post. In order to write a sad post you’d have to be sad but I’m immune to what’s going on. I’m beginning to accept life as it is. A slow pace of misfortunes and no can do(s). I understood that your dreams can not be fulfilled unless you have a fortune cookie with your name written in it when it’s cracked or for a better luck, have your name with a hundred titles before it.

Oh, well. Meh.

So, currently I have a desk governmental job. I am an Academic Advisor…tsk tsk. Usually, I finish work at the early  and then I just sit wait if someone comes to ask me stuff or to finish paperwork and so on (bureaucratic shit basically) and I catch up on reading or (starting now) catch up with blogging. It’s an okay job. It pays and gives you a sense of liberation (somehow… like in a superficial sense) but that is. I made quite a good company here. A girl who I knew from uni but did not create a bound with her until now. She is sweet and she is amazing. Shout out to you Munira!!

I’m still trying on life. I’m not giving up but this time it’s on a slower pace and with very little to zero hope in the process of “happening”.

What else?

Oh yeah! notice something? I ditched “Esperanza Writes” I think by now I’ve grown out of it and I need something that attaches my “I” into it, hence, “Norawithletters” just like my Instagram . My name now exists in the realm of my blogging zone! Yaaay?

On an end note, be safe. Life is what life is meant to be. الحمدالله على كل حال.

Screwed and beyond

-Nora

The Weapon of Me

I’m not a coward person but I do find a preferred method in not speaking especially when it something so intense that I rather not see the reaction of the person in front of me. It is not a thing that I think is worth fighting for if I’m not heard. I also have a problem with delivering my message upright to the person in front of me. Hence, with all that I find my belonging and thoughts come into written words. I do believe I am best with expressing myself within them. Within writing, whether it was story telling where I deliver I certain message through them (yes, even outraged messages), or through being straight forward and saying it (or in my case writing it) in bold letters. Bottom line this is my weapon and this is my courage form. You want to know me read me. Trust me people who read the words I’m writing are the most people that know me, I’m raw here more like uncooked meat (but of course I’m not to be eaten ;p). But I guess you get what I am saying here. Writing is more like my words shouted out loud, my la-la land, my creme brule if you may say. And most of all it is my weapon that I am not afraid to use. So congrats people you know me too well I’m afraid you’ll black mail me (round of applause!).

Having said the above, my weapon does get rusted at times. My brain just freezes and is most probably afraid to be on the open verge even to admit it to myself. I’m like “no I’m not thinking that, not going to write that”, but who am I kidding, I am thinking it why am I hiding it? Yes, my brain needs renewal, not writer’s block (because no such exists) but what can I say it is more like I’m too engrossed to see the obvious. Oblivious to the obvious.

I’m not sure of any of that.. I’m not even sure if I should post this.. but you know what?

I’m not going to grip on those anymore, I’m going to loosen my grip on my thoughts. This is my home. This is my place.

Tea, coffee anyone?

-Esperanza Writes

The Innie in Introverts

One of my blog readers, also a blogger herself, Sarah expressed her concerns about  being an introvert when I mentioned in my previous  post that I was one. I found that I had a lot to say and explain about the misconceptions of being an introvert. To be frank, I wanted to write about this subject a long time ago yet I was flirting with this idea and I thought that now everybody knows about it. Turns out I was wrong. I guess now is my lawful duty to explain and talk about the fact of being an introvert. So this post is dedicated to all introverts, specifically speaking to Sarah. 🙂

Introversion and Extroversion are a part of long way study of personalities. To be anyone of those is not a phase or something that you will eventually “get over with”. It is genetics more like the color of your eyes. What does it mean to be an introvert? Introverts, unlike extroverts, tend to find their comfort zone within themselves. Meaning that they feel at ease and at home when they are alone doing whatever they indulge in, or not doing anything at all. They tend to speak less in public, especially when there are more than four people surrounding. And when given a choice to either go to a party or stay at home doing nothing, they will hold on to staying at home with their claws, jaws, and about anything that clutches this.

People like to pity them and in general would call them “loners”. What they don’t get is that introverts enjoy this to the max. They do not see the enjoyment in going out and being socially active; and because one out of three are born to be introverts, they are a minority and they are seen to be “weird” and they try to push them away from their weirdness. That is a myth along with many others. 

Continue reading The Innie in Introverts

Meet My Gal

Over the past few months my bestie (meaning my best friend in the whole wide world “kid style) about her being an occasional author here and so today I came to announce her being a part of this blog.

I do not know how to introduce her in the most proper way but I’ll try my best because someone like her the words fail to acknowledge her. And even though she told me to send her a copy of the introduction before I publish it I refuse it fully as I want it to be a surprise to her as it is to you, she said ok but with some rules.. e7m. She has not decided on what name should she be under but meanwhile it is “RJA007” in the meantime. Yes you do see a James Bond code in the end apparently she thinks it is cool and even though I told her that using her original name with the spelling she uses it awesome, but meh ;p. I even told her to chose a name than “Writes” after it so we could be come the “Writes sisters” (lame I know) but also no.. she is still thinking. She will be posting whenever she felt like it, what I’m saying is that she is an occasional writer when some times she will write a lot and some times not it is according to her time and mood (secretly though I think she will post more often when she is in a bad mood) so expect and don’t. For me I do not mind what does she decides as long as she is here.

Now who is RJA007?  She is the girl I met in high school, 10th grade. She was a newbie and I was a vintage student. I do not remember how we clicked but we did and ever since we became inseparable like old collocated words. She knows everything I mean EVERYTHING about me excluding the everyday boring life details.. even this she probably knows.. (Do you R?). She is my thinking mind when mines refuses to think. She is my half forever and always. She is always there for me.. I remember once calling her last semester just so I could pour my heart and shed some tears (TMI?).  I love her so much to the extinct I’m willing to marry her if I could, and this is not lesbianism talk but girl-proud-of-girl talk. Whenever we see each other we act like we did not see each other in centuries and allow ourselves at least a minute grace of hugs, and say our goodbyes in hugs as well. She is the awesome-st girl ever because of course she is my friend ;p (kidding about the because friend thing). Um.. what else. Oh yeah she is a bachelor who has a diploma degree, on her way to getting a college degree and waiting for the bling bling to come by (don’t kill me R I’m kidding ;p). And even though we chose different study paths we managed to be together for the 5th year now I guess 🙂

Surprisingly enough I just knew about her abilities to write when she sent me a file of something she wrote telling me to comment on it and show my opinion. She didn’t use to write until just now and let me say I wouldn’t allowed her to be a part of this blog. I actually begged her at first to publish her writings on my blog but she refused.. let’s hope she shows her magic now and here. I’m not sure when she will start but just in case if it is her you will know as I normally sign my posts. Not a genius thing to figure out huh?

Anyway without furthermore talk here is my beloved gal RJA007!! I love you in Allah girl!!

-Esperanza Writes

Blogger vs. WordPress

You may not know that but I’m not really the tech savvy in town. It is just not my field of expertise and I only am interested in knowing things that I NEED to know. Which is explains why for four years I’ve been dealing with Blogger until just recently I transferred to WordPress. Let me spare you the details of how I found Blogger but let me give you the details of the vs analysis I’ve concluded.

Let me begin my analysis by a quote from a fellow blogger who is a tech savvy, unlike moi, Mohd from Q8blend “Blogger is like Nokia whereas WordPress is like iPhone” (I tried to be precise about what he said but I’m pretty sure that what actually summed up his point, forgive me if I quoted wrongly). You see four years ago I actually had to use HTML codes to work with and since I forgot most of what I was taught in computer class I started only using the easy, necessary ones which is actually one thing: a “Br” between angle brackets (<>) to start a new paragraph. How amusing?

Later Blogger started updating it features  and starting figuring out what we actually want with visual by simply using it as if I’m using a word processor. Simple and easy, served my needs and I was actually satisfied with what I have. Until I actually wanted to add the “e-mail required” feature to the commenting section so I can deliver my first giveaway I wanted. So I asked a geek friend of mine to help and she did it for me by IntenseDebate that added the feature to my blog. There I was so satisfied I needed nothing else.

Then I decided to go more specific and start a blog on writing only (this is an article I’m writing so it is counted as a writing column, I didn’t go out my protocol here), I thought let me try WordPress there is nothing to lose. I try WordPress and being the me that knows nothing with technology I faced a hard time trying to understand how to work with it (I’m serious, I did face a hard time!) and I was considering to actually shifting to blogger but good for me I decided to be patience and let me tell you one thing: I’M GLAD I WAS PATIENT!

You see slowly I saw everything becoming easier and it became a piece of cake with FROSTING too! Can you believe that? With Frosting that I actually melt once hearing the mention of it! You see WordPress not only is easy to use once you get use to it, but it has so many features without actually searching for it, for example: the e-mail feature, the pages, visual.. etc all is good really. I’m really glad I shifted to WordPress the only thing that I didn’t like was that I had to approve the comments but then it isn’t a bother anymore and I might actually prefer it because it detect the spam comments for me.

I really like to scold the WordPress users out there into not advising me or any other blogger user into shifting to WordPress. Make sure here that this is not an ad. I’m not being paid if I were paid believe me you would see that I would be having my own domain. This is just my opinion towards different blog hosts.

-Esperanza Writes

The Cool-Loser and the Loser that is Cool

While I chip in my boredom with a little (scratch little I meant A LOT) of surfing, and may I clarify not real surfing but through the internet. I come across a very interesting blog that I may or may not become an addict to it but one thing I know for sure is that I can’t manage to stop reading (ha go figures!). I kept reading, reading, and reading along the way I just get cramped with words that does and does not accompany sentences. Anyway here is her blog (Stephenie) and will soon be added to my blogroll along with other sites I marvel.

After reading several hundred million of posts (I’m spicing up here if you didn’t figure this out already). I try to maintain a few words in my brain by putting them on repeat and not actually losing the trail of thoughts I actually wanted to go with in the first place. Let us go backwards around yesterday afternoon. We are spending our vacation in our farm and there is no TV. So you can actually conclude that there is a lot of free time in my hands. I decided on first task to go uphill take a photo of me and enjoy reading my kindle and listening to soft music with it. A leisure time to me. That wasn’t what actually happened. Being in a full house that is this is almost out of the question. As soon as they see me heading out of the house they see it as a que “AT LAST SOMEONE IS DOING SOMETHING” and they tag along. To the equivalent of three minutes the hill was full with people aside of me. So I ended up taking some photos instead of meditating and then it got quite chilly and I got inside. Wasn’t bad but wasn’t what I planned for.

Me during one of the photos. And I also realize I'm not the fashionista you're looking for. So yeah I know that this is a fashion disaster but who cares? 😀

Back to today I spent most of my time reading Stephenie’s blog and it was pretty cool and awesome but she kept saying she is not cool and not awesome. An introvert and so forth. But hey she is cool and I think the same thing about me. And then “TA-DAAA” I came with the cool-loser and the loser that is cool.

You know the sitcom Drake and Josh? From Nickolodeaon?

right: Josh, left: Drake

You see there are two types of people, some are Drake and some are Josh. Drake is the popular, cool, handsome, social extrovert yet he does not have the brains to pass his quizzes. Josh is the clumsy, social introvert, not-so-well looking but has the brains to be the honor roll student of the year. Yet every Drake has a Josh in him and every Josh has a Drake in him. Open up your imagination for this one. You see Drake despite being cool he is Josh in his brain, his brain is all clumsy and messed up just like Josh’s appearance. Whereas Josh being a loser his brain when you look inside had the coolness of Drake, all handsome and if you would give him a pen and paper he’ll write down a very decent column that you’ll never get fed up of reading. And there is also Jake, a combination of Drake and Josh together.

I’m a Josh and at some time I got scared, maybe partially bored of my lifestyle and decided to go with it and started to be more outgoing and got to meet a lot of people. It worked just fine but I still think of the awkward situations that I get myself into and maybe just maybe I’m not meant to be an extrovert. Introvert is my life and my way of living. Not understandable but works for me.

Now look at me thinking that I might be a loser just like dear Stephenie who is a big introvert, and all we do is write and write using all we have in our brains. Then all the views that I have in this blog, even though not many, are all of Cool-losers like me. Hooraaaaaay for the cool losers. I’d rather be a Josh than be a Drake. I may be bragging but please let me give myself some credit of the work I’ve done, I go back and read the articles I’ve read and think “Did I write that? That is just so good” even though there is still some parts that needs improving I admit, but still this is huge. When you recognize your own work and realize “Hey my writings are cool”. I might be a loser in real life (in looks, not popular), or maybe it’s only me thinking that but I’m a cool loser. Doesn’t that sound much better than the loser that is cool?

Now HIGH FIVE to all those Cool-losers on my side out there. Be proud you’ve got the brains they’ve got the looks. or not.

But hey look at it who knew I could write such a post? Thanks to Ms. Stephenie!

-Esperanza Writes

By All Honesty, By All Means

Joan Didion :

      “I write entirely to find out what I’m thinking, what I’m looking at, what I see and what it means. What I want and what I fear.”

Here is the time where I find honesty is the best weapon to motivation (not that I’m not honest in all the posts). You see the best thing a person could give as a piece of a motivation advice, and allow me to emphasize advice here as in to motivate people in the correct way.

Many of you know that I used to be an ex-blogger for a bit more than four years. I started it since I was sixteen as a personal blog and I never changed it. I created a humble number of readers but then I saw I needed to let go of this blog and start fresh and new with this one in a more specific field.

Once I made this decision I kept in mind or most likely knew three things:

  1. That turning into a new blog will make me lose my reader base (most of them). Therefore I’m starting from scratch. Especially when it is a specified field where not all people are interested in.
  2. If I’m starting from scratch on a specific field then my work will be identified. As in if my work was good then I will be praised.
  3. As a continuation to number 2 if my work was bad I will not be praised and not acknowledged.

Knowing all the above points I knew that if I was meant to be a writer this blog will work out and if not then I should find a new calling and look away from the writing thing. Also knowing that doesn’t mean that I should give up on it so early without persistance tries.

To tell you the truth I was afraid of such attempts it isn’t an easy task to be a perfectionist in a specific field. People do expect specialized fields to be perfectionist in that field which is wrong because almost every field is bottomless a human brain cannot take it in 100 years let alone my humble 20 years.

So, I made sure to clarify people that I’m before and after all things I’m only human and so is constructive criticism is an open matter to receive with an open mind. I wanted to be better and I wanted to if I’m good.

Following what I’ve just mentioned I worked, made some abusive thinking regarding what to and what to not post, and most of all waited.

Did I get criticism? Yes I did.

Did I face negative reviews? Yes I did.

Did I get positive reviews? Hell yeah.

You see I weighed them all into a balance and did see that I am in the right path with a little of enhancing on what I’m doing, I wasn’t wrong. My dream is yet not a failure and even so I have had enough evidence for myself  to proceed with it.

Here is my honesty comes with all means. You have a dream? Don’t give up. And when I say a dream I mean a real dream not a momento phase dream, and if you are not sure if it’s just a momento dream see what are the feedbacks most of which will tell you if this is your calling or not.

Keep on working. Nothing happens by slacking of in my case words are not written by themselves it needed brains, guts, and a hell a lot of typing.

Be honest in what you do don’t fool people. You might get away with it the first time but then when you are discovered to be a liar your truth will become a liar as well, therefore people won’t trust you. Trust here is a very important element.

Last but not least it is very important when working is that you work with your heart before anything. If your heart won’t cooperate then just simple know that this is not your calling.

May Allah bless those truthful hearts.

Esperanza Writes