Do You Hate Me?

Since the end of last semester I have been accidentally involved with English day. Now English day  is basically two days in Kuwait University by the English department (obviously) that students from the same department do some acting and presenting …etc. The first day is for presentations under three categories 1. Literature 2. Linguistics 3. Current affairs. The second day is for plays (I think that is all).

I’m participating in the first day with a nine minutes presentations with a friend of mines talking about a literature story where we have joined both different research papers (ours) into one presentation. This required months of planning, thinking, stressing, and adjusting. Yes we are basically two nerds who worked so hard on this presentation.

Me trying to point out my point of view

Except this is my first time ever to present in front of an audience (not counting the play that I acted in with a minor role in high school where I kinda forgot my lines while performing) so I asked our Doctor (that is our instructor through the presentations) to make an audience during our rehearsals so I could adjust through it and see how my “stuttering and nerves” goes. Before yesterday’s rehearsal by an hour or so my friend and I rehearsed and I was having difficulties with the closing statement because we just wrote it this week with the help of the Doctor, yet I managed to do it. And we went to the auditorium that was full with both girls and guys and we were the second to go.

My hands flying all over the place, obviously

My heart was beating so hard yet I managed to go through the presentation with a little of stuttering and few hands flying all over the place but otherwise it was fine… UNTIL.. the closing statement where went smoothly through the first couple sentences but then suddenly my brain went dead.. like dead then stay silent, turn to my friend whisper a “sorry”, then as I just was about to proceed I see my Doctor shaking his head, then I stop again and say “Do you hate me?” Which made everybody crack and then I just do realize what I have said and laugh as well!! Except the Doctor wasn’t shaking his head for me but for someone else!! Then I completed quickly the rest.. yet I seriously do not know what happened to me asking this question ;p

Me laughing at the end realizing what I just said

 In two weeks is my actual presentation (9th of may) and I’m really hoping I do not throw in an awkward comment such as yesterday. I’ve been rehearsing since yesterday till now so I would not lose myself to a larger audience later on.

Piece of advice: No matter how much you get stuck with your presentation for God sake do not ask the Doctor whether he hates you or not.. avoid emotional comment.. notes taken.. hopefully.

Wish me luck!

p.s: I did not put my friends picture because I have not asked permission. She is awesome with the presentation and surely she did not ask if the Doctor hates her or not ;p

-Esperanza Writes

What Does it Mean to be 21 Years Old?

Yes today, April 14th 2012, I turn 21 and I have this huge impulse to share with everyone out there what does it mean to be 21. Let is just sort things out that being the years before being 20 was just like being 16 was just like being 10.. All have no big of a difference and so is being 21 except for a few minor changes and should be’s when you come to this age. Other than the usual cliche: Today you are the oldest you’ve ever been and the youngest that you’ll ever be, there is other things (just to point out this is kind of a depressing quote it is like you will go: Whaaaaaaaat?? I’m not going to be young again?):

  1. According to my beloved country, Kuwait, you are totally allowed to vote for the members of the parliament. So as if now I’m legally allowed to vote.. and my vote counts. Only one small problem or two. The next parliament isn’t due until four years later, so being 21 is not a count now or by some miracle the parliament would need to be re-electing (let’s hope not). The other I don’t really want the responsibility of voting unlike others I do take this matter seriously because under this single vote lies many changes to this country, who wins and who doesn’t, and due to myself who hates politics in general I would have to force myself into seeing who is worthy and who is not of my vote.. Conclusion: Not looking forward to it.
  2. I’m legally allowed IN OTHER countries to drink, and I do not mean drink hot chocolate or coffee.. tsk tsk get the humor side of me.

    I’m the kid on the right
  3. According to my bank I am not allowed to get a Visa card/internet buying card until I’m 21<<< that I’m looking forward to.. oh the things I will get to buy from amazon. Amazon I’ll be your favorite customer.
  4. I’m in full custody of myself.. meaning I’m considered as an adult and if I commit a crime I wouldn’t put in the kids prison but in the scary big one and if I do something right I won’t be getting a little star-shaped sticker in my notebook. I’m legally legal to exist.. or something like that.

    Amazing how little things like these used to be a big deal
  5. According to universal colleges I should be graduating by next year hence only one year left to graduate. But according to KU (Kuwait University) it is ok if I’m 21 now and I won’t be graduating for a possible two or three years more. No problem 🙂

I’m not really sure what more than this list could bring to hand .. Right now I think I’ve just been struck by reality that I’m actually no longer 16 .. I mean 20. Oh god I think I’m growing wrinkles (does wrinkles grow?) the next thing you’ll hear is that I’ve reached 100 years old. Times flies fast. What can 22 bring more to this?

p.s: Please note down that number 2 is a joke. I know that drinking is not only harmful but also haram and I do not intend to drink .. not now not later. I do not advocate it at all.

-Esperanza Writes

Five Reasons not to Trust a Dragon

As I was going out of my room and closing the door behind me I had this vision of a Dragon and then I got a little weird and thought “Dragons should not be trusted” (you know because we all see dragons everywhere and everyday). So here it is my dear readers “Five Reasons not to Trust a Dragon“:

First of all we all see dragons as cuddly and cute as they are. Adorable and you just want to be friends with them, I mean look at the picture above doesn’t he seem nice? but nevertheless looks can deceive you. You shouldn’t trust a dragon.

  1. When your friend the dragon, let us call him “Dragon” comes to pick you up for a walk you stroll down with him heading to the forest, because that what every dragon and person does, and on the way he gets a little tired and takes a deep inhale and then he exhales, he forgets that he exhales fire and you are right there in front of him and “POOF!” you turn into flames.

    You will turn out even worse
    You will turn out even worse
  2. Even if you got lucky and you were missed the fire will strike right into the tree that will burn and fall down right on you. The next thing you know is a tree is on top of you.
  3. You survive this limping and you still walk with your pal “Dragon”. You are heading into a city that is hosting a festival and “Dragon” get so excited and started to run, forgetting that he is a building large, and that you are right besides him and there you go under his big fat foot. Until he realizes it, it is too late your squished right under. He lifts his foot and puts his cute large paws on his mouth and let go an “Oops! Sorry”.
  4. You forgive him for what he has done because it was not intentionally made and proceed to the festival and suddenly all the crowd gets silent and watches “Dragon”. They start shouting with words you don’t understand and then you finally figure out that a Dragon is a great symbol to fortune and is suited with this celebration and they request from “Dragon” to do the honors and do the moves. “Dragon” turns to you with his puffed up chest and says with a new cocky manner “Sorry dude you are on your own right now!” and leaves you all broken to pieces because he thinks he is way better than you.
  5. So you go on to another place and people ask you why are you so sad and messed up and you tell them about your story with the dragon. They all look at each other and talk with a foreign language you ask what’s wrong  and they all get up with an angry vibe and throw you out of their town. Turns out they are superstitious towards dragons and you are a bad omen to them. You figure out that you are lucky enough that they just threw you out and nothing else.
Your luck is even worse than Elmer Fudd

Blame the vacation for this article.

 -Esperanza Writes


Awkward Things I take Pride in

There are many things I take pride in, and some of things are actually pretty awkward but nonetheless I still do take pride in. So I thought why don’t I list them and take more pride then I usually do take pride in.

  • My scars. I have plenty and plenty of scars and I do take pride in having them. Some say remove them by laser and I say “why would I? I love them”. With every scar there is a story and the most one I take pride in is the one above my right eyebrow and I secretly think that it is cool because “I got it before harry potter’s scar”.
does it show?
  •  My clumsy self. I am so clumsy that I decided to take pride in it. Do you see the above scar? Well  had it because my clumsy self was playing catch when I was in third grade that I slammed into a wall and got me this amazing scar.
  • My tears. They come easily that I keep popping it in every conversation as much as possible “The movie was so great that I cried” “The weather is beautiful I might as well cry” ” I cry easily” I think you’ve got the image now.
  • My romantic side and I would make it bold and clear to anyone and no one in particular that I am so once I said to someone “You know that I have this huge romantic side of me..” in a conversation.
  • My hypochondria self. I would go on and on about what type of diagnosis on myself like “I suffer from analytic disorder, Writing OCD, metaphorically speaking..” and on and on I would go until one friend opened a dictionary and showed me the meaning of hypochondria and I said “oh and that too!”
  • The nerd me. You do not, I repeat DO NOT want to know how much I take pride in my English/literature pride side.
  • The bookworm me. (no need for more explanation).
  • My awkward wording. My Arabic is not really good not as it should be and I would twist all the prepositions with whatever and comes out as a retarded sentence.
  • My awkward comments. As an example once I told someone that “the weather is beautiful.. all it is missing is my shinning armor” (in my defense it was raining, you know what rain does to people right?)
  • My badliyat I don’t know what it is called in English but I have a long list of these.
  • That I love Disney movies and that I am originally a child.
  • The crazy me. You do not want to see me crazy. Mostly I do become crazy with family and certain friends but mostly my brother (to irritate him). I do take pride in my craziness.
  • My introvert self.
  • My love in food. I love food so much that I sometimes get cranky when I do not eat. FOOD you rock!!
  • Some exotic things I ate: a grasshopper, ants (ants were by mistake) and I plan on eating raw octopus.
  • I don’t freak out about insects/animals and PROUD.

p.s: the first picture’s glasses are not mines but my sister’s that I borrowed. You might add that to the list is that I love this style in glasses.

-Esperanza Writes

Reasons to Assassinate Vacation

People love vacation. It is what they long for since the beginning of the year and be sad once it comes to an end. But no no , that does not to apply to someone like me. The truth is I’m in between an idea of assassinating vacation and bring an end to it. All the vacation I want is a week in between studying courses and that is vacation to me, HOORAY I got my vacation then I’m happily back to what I was doing. Here is why I hate vacation:

Once vacation starts I have those wild ideas coming to me like: make a dream pillow, do a canvas with the receipts I’ve collected, go back to cooking , a long to-read books, grow wings and fly…etc. But turns out I’m too busy doing nothing I do not accomplish any of them until the vacation is over and I feel guilty for not doing them.

one day I will be able to grow wings and fly

There is no excuses: You have no excuses for not doing things, you have plenty of time but yet you don’t do things and there is no excuses. Your room is messy you do not have an excuse for it not being tidy. You do not go to visiting you have no excuse to not go because apparently not feeling like it is not an excuse.

You spend most of the time doing nothing: the whole time I try to find something to do I end up doing the following: surfing the net, watching TV, and plenty of eating with no documented movement at all.

Related to the previous point so many time in your hand makes you think, like A LOT more than I usually do on regular basis some are more close to mental breakdowns. For example last night I was not to able to sleep (I do not regularly have trouble sleeping) because the following thoughts appeared: I’m going to have braces OMG what will my husband think about it? Will there be a husband? Oh No I’m not ready to be married. I don not think I’m up to the marriage responsibility yet. How will I cope with a guy I don’t know? When I will get married? Will there be a marriage at all? OMG I might end up a spinster!! I’m ending up a spinster! Esperanza your being dramatic, so what if you are not getting married it might be better than being married. Here is a back up plan if you reach 30 and you’re not married yet you could always adopt a child…etc. You can assume that I’m not married yet nor in a relationship I just have too many time in my hands to think of such stuff.

I might end up like this from over-dosing on thinking.

Missing out on things that you’ve been waiting for you whole life to happen because again you are too busy doing nothing and you just can’t pop in the “I was busy excuse”. For example today’s debut  Flash mob  in Kuwait (wipes tears) (I hate you Zain and Cinemagics for not telling me).

You feel like a useless drag doing nothing at least when you are in college you are actually studying.

Spending your money on useless stuff like food. At least when I’m at college I have a reason to buy food. (Food is not useless. I love food. Food will you marry me?)

I'm giving this ring to my beloved "Food"

Studying is fun! I love LOVE  studying literature. I love my major and vacationing means going away from my love. I learn a lot of things and I’m amused in class. (if you are waiting for me to tell you I’m joking you might as well die.)

I love my studying. My major is fun! (no that was not a mistake I deliberately repeated the point for emphasis).

When not vacationing I become productive learning everything that has been taught. Write because I meditate in between college breaks while I sit on the benches and see students being themselves and I get inspired. I discuss many topics freely and feel at home.

Continuing to previous point I get to be alone and think clearly and not think of myself as a drag. I’m thinking and resting at the same time not because I don’t have anything to do. And not have family members intruding (I love my family but I also love some me time).

Don’t worry I won’t be electing myself. I just may end up as your next college professor (don’t worry if you actually wind up with me as a professor I can assure you I’m not cruel).

-Esperanza Writes

Back-Up Your teeth

Doctors are not my favorite people in the world. I mean I do not hate them or anything, I’m sure they are great people but I hate visiting them and that explains much why I haven’t gone to the dentist for … um for 12 years (let’s just keep this between me and you ok?). Let me rewind time twelve years ago and tell you why aside from hating the smell of hospitals themselves.

Twelve years ago I was in the third grade vacationing in Syria I had to visit the Orthodontist to fix some teeth of mine. They had to use an injection to numb the feelings inside my mouth but, let me admit I was a brat I refused to be injected being scared from needles in all, till the doctor was already fed up with me and got angry and guess what he did? He slapped me so hard that I just got scared and obeyed orders. Funny enough I actually later on was all asking about him during the vacation (he was a friend of my family’s friend so we got to see each other outside). Anyway my scare of doctors didn’t lower its rate later on. I think it was more than the hospital smell that just makes me feel like I’m going to faint (I actually faint at times). It was more because every nutrition I’ve met because of some weight issues was scolding me and making the scare worst for me. Me, being the sensitive kid as I am, would either stay silent the most time because I don’t want my tears to fail me right there (you see doctors should watch out with their attitudes I don’t care how many years of studying they had to do to reach this level, try to be sympathetic at least for people like me!). Anyway my destiny in life was to meet a lot of doctors and spend months with them more than I intended to (read my story to know why). So after facing many doctors and creating the bravery I have (plus my mom insisting that I needed braces) I decided to go to the dentist.

Yesterday was my visit to the dentist before I went I was scared of the doctor would scold me especially that I know that I have cavity problems, but I didn’t know. Giving that I’m going to see the doctor my sisters went to I asked them if he was the scolding type and they assured me that he is fun and a joking kind of person.

I went into the doctor’s office he said that I needed braces my teeth were a little bit out and I had two solutions: either to take my front teeth off and readjust them (NO WAY!) or that I’ll adjust them , but not 100% through normal braces procedure. Of course I went with the second one, because to tell you the truth my teeth are not THAT bad they just need a little adjusting if you may say so. I took some X-rays,measuring, and took pictures of me (I think Ordthodontists have a thing for photography as a second career because that camera was a pro, or is it just my doctor?) and he said he’ll meet me later on to discuss my teeth thoroughly. Meanwhile I need to check my cavity and he is not able to do it the next weeks so I must do it with another doctor either government’s doctor or in the same clinic. We went with the same clinic and he asked from a Lebanese doctor to check me out and to see what to do with my cavity issues. The doctor was sweet and nice so far I didn’t see anything with his attitude in the brief amount of time we talked in.

Continue reading Back-Up Your teeth