Bear My Thoughts (Pun Intended)

I have disappeared the past couple of months into a vacuum. However, I have not disappeared because of nothing but because all my energy has been focused on writing essays for my subjects on a weekly basis and whenever I got free time I would prefer spending it with putting my brains on a snooze mode.

Here, I am finally free (technically I was free a week ago) and I am in a holiday. It has been hectic trying to pull in everything I missed on out since the semester has started and doing the things that I love. Like watching movies where during the course I have alternated it with YouTube videos just to spare the time- because I could not just simply sit down and watch a movie for a period of time (even though I did it on rare basis). Reading, I miss reading outside materials that does not involve anything related to college, every time I attempt to pick a book a find myself not having time to read it and read college material- or feeling guilty that I am not reading the “suppose to read” stuff on the price of “self enjoyment” material. Add to that, writing outside stuff like writing this post- or simply just pouring my thoughts without thinking twice about what I should be or should not be writing and how “formal” the essay should be. Or that it should be flawless of grammatical errors (which will you be seeing a lot in this blog because I do not revise twice upon the post I have written- it is informal and I’m free to speak hence, no grading) just to be to the point and valid with the points I’m stating. It is kind of frustrating at times especially when each doctor had his/her own way of approving which is a good essay and which is not.

Lastly, hibernating- yes like a bear.

Continue reading Bear My Thoughts (Pun Intended)

The Weapon of Me

I’m not a coward person but I do find a preferred method in not speaking especially when it something so intense that I rather not see the reaction of the person in front of me. It is not a thing that I think is worth fighting for if I’m not heard. I also have a problem with delivering my message upright to the person in front of me. Hence, with all that I find my belonging and thoughts come into written words. I do believe I am best with expressing myself within them. Within writing, whether it was story telling where I deliver I certain message through them (yes, even outraged messages), or through being straight forward and saying it (or in my case writing it) in bold letters. Bottom line this is my weapon and this is my courage form. You want to know me read me. Trust me people who read the words I’m writing are the most people that know me, I’m raw here more like uncooked meat (but of course I’m not to be eaten ;p). But I guess you get what I am saying here. Writing is more like my words shouted out loud, my la-la land, my creme brule if you may say. And most of all it is my weapon that I am not afraid to use. So congrats people you know me too well I’m afraid you’ll black mail me (round of applause!).

Having said the above, my weapon does get rusted at times. My brain just freezes and is most probably afraid to be on the open verge even to admit it to myself. I’m like “no I’m not thinking that, not going to write that”, but who am I kidding, I am thinking it why am I hiding it? Yes, my brain needs renewal, not writer’s block (because no such exists) but what can I say it is more like I’m too engrossed to see the obvious. Oblivious to the obvious.

I’m not sure of any of that.. I’m not even sure if I should post this.. but you know what?

I’m not going to grip on those anymore, I’m going to loosen my grip on my thoughts. This is my home. This is my place.

Tea, coffee anyone?

-Esperanza Writes

The Innie in Introverts

One of my blog readers, also a blogger herself, Sarah expressed her concerns about  being an introvert when I mentioned in my previous  post that I was one. I found that I had a lot to say and explain about the misconceptions of being an introvert. To be frank, I wanted to write about this subject a long time ago yet I was flirting with this idea and I thought that now everybody knows about it. Turns out I was wrong. I guess now is my lawful duty to explain and talk about the fact of being an introvert. So this post is dedicated to all introverts, specifically speaking to Sarah. 🙂

Introversion and Extroversion are a part of long way study of personalities. To be anyone of those is not a phase or something that you will eventually “get over with”. It is genetics more like the color of your eyes. What does it mean to be an introvert? Introverts, unlike extroverts, tend to find their comfort zone within themselves. Meaning that they feel at ease and at home when they are alone doing whatever they indulge in, or not doing anything at all. They tend to speak less in public, especially when there are more than four people surrounding. And when given a choice to either go to a party or stay at home doing nothing, they will hold on to staying at home with their claws, jaws, and about anything that clutches this.

People like to pity them and in general would call them “loners”. What they don’t get is that introverts enjoy this to the max. They do not see the enjoyment in going out and being socially active; and because one out of three are born to be introverts, they are a minority and they are seen to be “weird” and they try to push them away from their weirdness. That is a myth along with many others. 

Continue reading The Innie in Introverts

Did You Smile Today?

Around six months ago I started a survey via internet around the subject “Smiling”. Many bloggers (such as Kuwaitiful , HisHersQ8, Q8blend .. and so forth) who helped spreading the survey, many online people (that I know and don’t know) kindly participated in this survey, even though it had nothing to with cookies ;p. The sum of 71 different people helped make this survey possible for analysis. So 71 thanks to all of you there. Thank you very much!! To read the result I have pdf-ed them for the world to view here ( A_Survey_on_Smiling (2) ).

Just so I can include in the picture to why I proceeded with such a survey. I know smiling has such a huge effect on people it is mentioned in our Sunna as the following pictures says:

And it is as well studied in a scientific form where the result that smiling releases some kind of endorphin (?)  that is such a mood lifter. However, here is my own insights on this subject. Before six months I had one of my many crazy ideas to show people how much it is important to smile and in a way to show it through a miniature study. A part of this study is a ten question survey (above) which is not that deep only a quick, broad questions on the effect of smiling on one’s mood, and on strangers (I do confess that it may hold a part of errors there, but generally it is good according to content. Check it yourself).

The second part of the study (or whatever it is supposed to be called) is based on my own actions. Six months ago I decided to pack a bag of smiles and to distribute them on people that either I hardly know or did not know at all. Six months ago I did not know anybody in college, let us just say I spent all my time either reading, studying, writing with barely any human interaction outside of class. Which is normal, it is not a pity at all where I was an introvert by nature. Except for the sake of the study, I started to slowly edge away from my usual self and smile to almost everyone I came across to. At first I was self-observed where  I was not comfortable at all with this whole “Smiling at strangers” thing. However, I sensed through my efforts to smile that people started to open up to me, get closer and not fear my existence. Gradually I started to smile more often until it became a habit of mine.  I would smile to the cleaner at college and she would be filled with joy for this small gesture, this smile little thing made wonders. I really do not know how much the effect is but in return I go a huger smile that made me smile more. This just brightened my day.

People started to open up with what they felt about me. One girl told, whom I had classes with last year, said to me that before she thought I was a deeply self-involved person that has a weight of life time problems on my shoulder, yet when I first smiled at her, that one single smile everything changed since then. Now she sees me as a totally different person. I’m fully aware that my smile is not magical or sensational I just believe that the act of purely smiling changes everything. Because I’ve went through it I could now say that smiling is not just a gesture it is a mood lifter, it really did effect me in a pleasant way, and so it did effect others as well.

Just a week ago the man at Coffee Republic in his Indian accent told the other employee “She’s a good girl”, I smiled and said “Who my friend?” He replied, “No, You!” And I asked with amazement, “Why?” Then he answered with something that made me smile more, “Because you smile.”

I do not know what is your position right now or later on. We all have our days and self-doubt, but in the end I do believe that a smile is a beginning of a change. A smile makes your day better, and I speak of experience. 🙂

So…….,

-Esperanza Writes

Do You Hate Me?

Since the end of last semester I have been accidentally involved with English day. Now English day  is basically two days in Kuwait University by the English department (obviously) that students from the same department do some acting and presenting …etc. The first day is for presentations under three categories 1. Literature 2. Linguistics 3. Current affairs. The second day is for plays (I think that is all).

I’m participating in the first day with a nine minutes presentations with a friend of mines talking about a literature story where we have joined both different research papers (ours) into one presentation. This required months of planning, thinking, stressing, and adjusting. Yes we are basically two nerds who worked so hard on this presentation.

Me trying to point out my point of view

Except this is my first time ever to present in front of an audience (not counting the play that I acted in with a minor role in high school where I kinda forgot my lines while performing) so I asked our Doctor (that is our instructor through the presentations) to make an audience during our rehearsals so I could adjust through it and see how my “stuttering and nerves” goes. Before yesterday’s rehearsal by an hour or so my friend and I rehearsed and I was having difficulties with the closing statement because we just wrote it this week with the help of the Doctor, yet I managed to do it. And we went to the auditorium that was full with both girls and guys and we were the second to go.

My hands flying all over the place, obviously

My heart was beating so hard yet I managed to go through the presentation with a little of stuttering and few hands flying all over the place but otherwise it was fine… UNTIL.. the closing statement where went smoothly through the first couple sentences but then suddenly my brain went dead.. like dead then stay silent, turn to my friend whisper a “sorry”, then as I just was about to proceed I see my Doctor shaking his head, then I stop again and say “Do you hate me?” Which made everybody crack and then I just do realize what I have said and laugh as well!! Except the Doctor wasn’t shaking his head for me but for someone else!! Then I completed quickly the rest.. yet I seriously do not know what happened to me asking this question ;p

Me laughing at the end realizing what I just said

 In two weeks is my actual presentation (9th of may) and I’m really hoping I do not throw in an awkward comment such as yesterday. I’ve been rehearsing since yesterday till now so I would not lose myself to a larger audience later on.

Piece of advice: No matter how much you get stuck with your presentation for God sake do not ask the Doctor whether he hates you or not.. avoid emotional comment.. notes taken.. hopefully.

Wish me luck!

p.s: I did not put my friends picture because I have not asked permission. She is awesome with the presentation and surely she did not ask if the Doctor hates her or not ;p

-Esperanza Writes

The Art of Procrastinating

“pro·cras·ti·na·tion” – The act of procrastinating; putting off or delaying or deferring an action to a later time.

Procrastination is one of the very awful sicknesses that we all suffer from, specifically speaking: I suffer from. Everything that you should be doing right now you don’t do and work on something irrelevant just to run away from it. Yet on the other hand I think procrastinating is an art, and here is why:

When we procrastinate we usually delay a work that is bothering us and we tend to hate doing it right now or even think of it because it causes us stress. As a result we do other stuff and our mind goes all over the place trying to find things to do, in piles, just to fill up the time span between the actual work you need to finish and the deadline with anything and everything. (Like you see in the youtube video (above) for my most favorite youtubers ever called Charlie where he talks about the issue of procrastinating from his perspective. He is amazing I love him and I think I have a crush on him ;p watch it you won’t regret it). Most of things you come up with could be as useless as you’ve ever thought anything could be. However some probabilities do break down the expectations and in between the many things you do, (hold on a second I’m hearing gun shots outside……. Ok back again), you find one or more creative things that you’ve came up with right on the spot!! That, my dear readers that just popped in here to read a humble yet most probably useful post, I call: The Art of Procrastinating.

Take me for instance, I’m a somewhat huge procrastinator and usually when I delay my college work I end up with a well-written post and/or a scrapbook. Sometimes I would be reading articles irrelevant to my work and a new idea formulates in the midst of my brain. You see this is the core of creativity that leads you from nothing to something that never came in mind. Even though if it is not that much of a creative thing it is still something, something is better than nothing, always always always!

Later when you come back to the work you’ve put down, with little time you have, you do the work with the best effort and the best results come because I do believe that when under pressure we also perform better (been there done that). That is when the formula is complete and your day becomes more productive, unintentionally.

My advice: do not keep those genuine thoughts out-of-the-way and stare at your work like some freak.. do something about it. If the work is that important not those thoughts down and weigh the most valuable considering time. In the end I do believe if you are old enough to read this post and not only understand it but endorse it than you have the better judgment to decide which comes first.

-Esperanza Writes

What Does it Mean to be 21 Years Old?

Yes today, April 14th 2012, I turn 21 and I have this huge impulse to share with everyone out there what does it mean to be 21. Let is just sort things out that being the years before being 20 was just like being 16 was just like being 10.. All have no big of a difference and so is being 21 except for a few minor changes and should be’s when you come to this age. Other than the usual cliche: Today you are the oldest you’ve ever been and the youngest that you’ll ever be, there is other things (just to point out this is kind of a depressing quote it is like you will go: Whaaaaaaaat?? I’m not going to be young again?):

  1. According to my beloved country, Kuwait, you are totally allowed to vote for the members of the parliament. So as if now I’m legally allowed to vote.. and my vote counts. Only one small problem or two. The next parliament isn’t due until four years later, so being 21 is not a count now or by some miracle the parliament would need to be re-electing (let’s hope not). The other I don’t really want the responsibility of voting unlike others I do take this matter seriously because under this single vote lies many changes to this country, who wins and who doesn’t, and due to myself who hates politics in general I would have to force myself into seeing who is worthy and who is not of my vote.. Conclusion: Not looking forward to it.
  2. I’m legally allowed IN OTHER countries to drink, and I do not mean drink hot chocolate or coffee.. tsk tsk get the humor side of me.

    I’m the kid on the right
  3. According to my bank I am not allowed to get a Visa card/internet buying card until I’m 21<<< that I’m looking forward to.. oh the things I will get to buy from amazon. Amazon I’ll be your favorite customer.
  4. I’m in full custody of myself.. meaning I’m considered as an adult and if I commit a crime I wouldn’t put in the kids prison but in the scary big one and if I do something right I won’t be getting a little star-shaped sticker in my notebook. I’m legally legal to exist.. or something like that.

    Amazing how little things like these used to be a big deal
  5. According to universal colleges I should be graduating by next year hence only one year left to graduate. But according to KU (Kuwait University) it is ok if I’m 21 now and I won’t be graduating for a possible two or three years more. No problem 🙂

I’m not really sure what more than this list could bring to hand .. Right now I think I’ve just been struck by reality that I’m actually no longer 16 .. I mean 20. Oh god I think I’m growing wrinkles (does wrinkles grow?) the next thing you’ll hear is that I’ve reached 100 years old. Times flies fast. What can 22 bring more to this?

p.s: Please note down that number 2 is a joke. I know that drinking is not only harmful but also haram and I do not intend to drink .. not now not later. I do not advocate it at all.

-Esperanza Writes