Beg Me My Forgiveness (short story) [Past Post]

(Some people are better off Solo. -Esperanzish Proverb)

It all started with a look, then a touch, then a ring. I was deceived with his words. Promises upon promises was presented to me and I believed. I lived a fairy tale that every girl dreamed of. I was a princess in other words.
We settled in together, got married and I lived the time of my life. I loved him so dearly, I grew so attached to him. I would stand up against a bullet for him, after all he is the husband I have chosen. The husband that I fell in love with him in the first sight.
Things seemed beautiful at first I am a middle-school teacher and he is, well he is searching for a job, he wanted to be a huge investor, he had those wild dreams and I respected his dreams. In fact I encourage him to go after his dreams. I was his motivator.
He worked hard the first couple of months on trying to find his dreams, but then he just quitted didn’t try anymore. He started to just stop and do nothing. He would be going out in the night amusing himself, then he would sleep all morning. Being a useless drag. The only equation that I was in was being the source of money.
I thought at first it was a phase, depression maybe so I let him alone to deal with it. This didn’t seem to workout so I tried to talk to him, it didn’t go well. Our voices grew louder until we were practically shouting. Any neighbor with in ten feet away could’ve heard us. And then the most unexpected thing happened, he slapped me so hard I could feel my cheek going numb. I was in shock how could this happen? How could he dare do so?
Our shouts grew louder and louder until I could feel myself blackout from the repetitive beating.
They told me I lost too much blood and that the child made it.. what child?
They told me that I am with child, I’m pregnant in my fourth month.
He came with tears apologizing, that he lost his temper and he would never do such a thing again. He begged my forgiveness. And I accepted it.
It only lasted two days then things went back to normal. Until it became a routine he wouldn’t do anything, we fight, I get beaten, and he would apologize and swear upon his grave that this won’t happen again.
Until I was due. I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl and she become ecstasy of my life. But that did not make a difference to him. He still was him. The guy that I become to loathe. It’s a wonder of wonders how deep love and affection would turn into hate and detest. The only reasons that kept me with him is because of two things: I didn’t want my daughter to be lost in a world without a father, and what will the society think if I got divorced. This society didn’t mercy the woman not at all. I would be a taboo if I was divorced even if I was the person who didn’t do this relationship wrong.
Things got worse and my daughter is two years old now. My life became without any taste. It became a living hell. Until that day when I was to tired to function, I had just came from work. He just woke up he asked for something to eat, “Go get yourself something. I’m going to rest.”
“What did you say?” he replied with an angry temper in his voice.
“I’m too tired to say anything. Do yourself some good and fitch your own food.”
And that what triggered everything. It started a fight he was shouting and I was so tired to even argue I ignored him and started to head to my room, then I heard something break over my head. The bastard threw a plate towards me. “FOR GOD SAKE ACT MATURE FOR ONCE IN YOUR LIFE!!” I screamed.
“Mommy!” I heard a faint scary voice behind me.
“Oh darling come here.” He screamed some more. “You are scaring the girl!! Shut up!!”
And then another plate came flying landing on my beloved daughter. Blood was streaming down her face. I panicked, I screamed! My daughter! My daughter!! She is going to die!!!! I shook her to get a respond but she was unconscious!
I quickly held her up and drove her to the ER as fast as I can. And all that time I kept thinking that I am going to lose her. I’m going to lose my only reason for living in this life.
The next thing that happened was almost a blur they took her from me and told me to wait, and all the time I was crying blaming it on myself for not providing a safe environment for my child. It is all my fault right?
Until thirty minutes later the doctor came assuring me that they removed glass particles from her body and she is fine now with a couple of stitches. She is now asleep. She has gone lucky that is.
I slept by her side that night, until I felt her hand touching my head “Mommy.”
Finally she woke up! My tears just couldn’t stop itself.
“Why you crying mommy?” she asked with her broken childish english. I didn’t answer. “Mommy everything hurts. Make it go away.”
“I’m sorry honey, I’m sorry I wont let this happen to you again. No one will lay a finger on you ever again.”
And I made an oath to give her a better life. I filed for a restraining order for my child from her useless, cruel father. He begged me my forgiveness. He wants me to drop the lawsuit. To me this sounded like a broken record. And I proceeded with what I was doing.
Today I hold the papers of the court agreeing to my request. I have gained my child’s full custody. I’m starting a new life for both of us we are breaking free. We are better off alone and much happier.
Let him beg me my forgiveness and I won’t forgive.
Life is better without him.
P.S: The characters and events of the story are all fictional.
-Esperanza Writes

[Past Post] Blue Rose

I’ve been having trouble figuring out what to write. So this is a past post called “Blue Rose”, from my ex-blog, expressing the reason why blue rose is my favorite flower and why do I feel that why about it. Until I regain my words I’ll leave you to this. Enjoy:

A delicate sign to hope trembling and crumbling, trying her best to make something out of herself. She looked up and reached out to this world thinking would she rather be like everybody else? or Would she show herself no matter how different she is, no matter what made her this way?
She was identified as not being real genetically changed and made to this… but she had to prove herself.. Prove herself right that she existed!!
She was thrown in a snowy windy day on the ground waiting, anticipating for a life saver.. and there a blue rose as lonely, as lost as her… she picked her up, inhaled a deep soothing breath, dropped to her knees and looked up…. and the soft lyrics of a song came along:

Blue as the crying sky
With no thorn, AND no THISTLE
Only AN open face
Staring at the waking world
Maybe she´s just a morning glory
Lost in a tangle of vine
Maybe she´s just a morning glory
Lost in a tangle of vine

Her arms stretch wide
To receive a life
And her ROOTS go deep into the BLACK EARTH for strength
And she blooms and

Maybe she´s just a morning glory
Lost in a tangle of vine
Maybe she´s just a morning glory
Lost in a tangle of vine

She blooms while the people sleep
To those who RISE with the noon day Sun
She is a closed mystery

AND Maybe she´s just a morning glory
Lost in a tangle of vine
OH, Maybe she´s just a morning glory
Lost in a tangle of vine
Lost in a tangle of vine
Lost in a tangle of vine*

The girl walked with the blue rose clutched between her hands…she whispered ” I’ll not hide anymore” She decided not to hide anymore, no more for being lost and show her beauty no matter what is being told or said about her… She will stand whether was it out or in as long as she becomes herself….
She is a Blue Rose … She is a rose that is been made… and yet she’ll bloom to this life.. and not give up.. strong and independent… A Blue Rose she is.
I’d like to thank MJ-Al-Feeli  for shooting this photo exclusively for this post.
* “Blue Rose”, Lizz Wright.
-Esperanza Writes

[Past Post] You’re Late for Your Flight

One of the things that I feel grateful for is the subject I took through my eight years in middle-high school (mainly talks about how to deal with life and such).
This is something I learned from it and I would gladly add my own words and share them with my readers.
Let’s all view together this scenery ok? Alright … here we go.
You have booked this trip to this bizarre place you wanted to, since ages ago. And today is your flight, you wake up late and you late to your flight. You quickly drive to the airport and run with your luggage. And “BAM” you bump into someone that someone is then throws in a bunch of rude comments. What do you do?
You’ve got two choices:

  1. You can stand there and reply with a rudder comment.      And start a fight while there are only a couple minutes to spare to the      late flight. Hence, you’re missing on the flight.
  2. Or you could simply ignore and retreat to your path and      catch the flight of your dreams.

I know I would go for number two that’s a sure thing. I wouldn’t I repeat wouldn’t waste such an opportunity that I’ve waiting for since forever for a, and I put into quotation, “Stupid” “Worthless” thing.

This is life the flight is your goal you’ve set up for yourself. The rude person is all the obstacles, negative things, along with actually people who put you down in a way or another. Don’t waste your time on such things.

Everything is worthless, a small trifle to your life when there is a divine place to go to.


Think about it…

-Esperanza Writes

[Past Post] The Path that Never Ends

Come closer and hold me tight against you..
Walk with me and show me a beautiful path..
A path where obstacles exist but you will always point it out to me… help me through it..
And no matter how we look ragged and old we will still be close together..
No matter .. No matter how maybe one day I would face sickness you will be there for me .. holding my hand and never letting go..
Assuring me that everything will be alright…
And when that path comes to an end.. you bring a shovel to dig another path.. so that our path becomes that path that never ends..

-Esperanza Writes

11 Ways I Motivate Myself With [Past Post]

Believe it or not I have certain psychological ways to motivate myself into doing what I want to do, for example motivating myself to write this “Post”. Even though I’m not a known figure but I believe simple things leads to extraordinary things:

  1. Set a Goal that you are passionate about: Set a goal right there you wish to achieve you must be passionate about. For example this post is meant to motivate others. I’m truly passionate to motivate others. If there is no passion in the goal that you have set then there is no use for trying to reach that goal.
  2. Choose Words: Choose words that you go by daily bases that motivates you. I for one choose “Hope” and every word meaning that word, “Esperanza” is also a meaning for that word. Keep those words in your mind and make it your motto. Hang it on your mirror if you have to, or anywhere that you always look at.

    Continue reading 11 Ways I Motivate Myself With [Past Post]

تكلمت… بصمت [Past Post]

نظرتُ في عينيها
تبدو وكأنـَّها ثـُقِـلـَـتْ ….همومًا
سوادُ الليل ِ يختزلُ تلكَ العينين

وكأنها تحكي أيّامًا مضَتْ،
عبّرَتْ عن ماضي كيانِـهـا بتلكَ …النظرةِ
و بدا الأمرُ وكأنها

تكلـَّمتْ.. بصمتْ
-Esperanza Writes

[Past Post] One Day

Past Post is a post I’ve written in my old blog and reposting it from time to time when I don’t have anything to write and until I could gather up my thoughts.

I challenged myself and said give me any picture and I’ll try to write something out of it and my friend Layal told me to check her latest on flickr (Say MashAllah) isn’t she cute <3.
Here goes :
One day I’ll be something..
One day the future will be in between my hands and I’ll fascinate you.
For I am a girl of dreams..
Do you know what I see?
I see myself a strong, promising, and confident lady…
I’ll be flying over the skyscrapers and way over…
and in the crowd of millions I’ll be noticed.
You know why?
Because I have the look of hope..
True I’m just a little girl today but one day…
One day I’ll be something you’ll always refer to as the strong fighter who achieved.
One Day I will be.

-Esperanza Writes