I cannot remember the dream that well but there is a precise incident that kept me going. In the dream I was having a conversation with my friend. She was saying something that I do not remember now but when she finished her point I got up and said “Your words inspired me. I’m going to write a blog post now”. The dream ended at that. I don’t remember how and on what did she inspire me with I just know that I grew frustrated that I lost this source of inspiration once I opened my eye. I thought that I need this “inspiration”. I have been numb for a while I need something to dazzle with.
Isn’t what we all need. Forget food being the source of life. Forget that we need to breathe in order to live. Forget senses. Forget everything. Inspiration is the reason for our liveliness. Without inspiration we are like zombies with heartbeats.
I remember when I was excited about everything and anything. I remember when I would be enthusiastic about a sparkle in my head. I use to be a lot of things. This did not go entirely away, but must I say that in some parts it did evolve, became a better version, more knowledgeable and enlightened. But in other parts it just… died.
A quick recap. I graduated. I am officially a KU graduate majoring in English Literature and minoring in Comparative Literature. At this point my occupation in this world is the girl behind the screen. Stays up all night and watches
I have disappeared the past couple of months into a vacuum. However, I have not disappeared because of nothing but because all my energy has been focused on writing essays for my subjects on a weekly basis and whenever I got free time I would prefer spending it with putting my brains on a snooze mode.
Here, I am finally free (technically I was free a week ago) and I am in a holiday. It has been hectic trying to pull in everything I missed on out since the semester has started and doing the things that I love. Like watching movies where during the course I have alternated it with YouTube videos just to spare the time- because I could not just simply sit down and watch a movie for a period of time (even though I did it on rare basis). Reading, I miss reading outside materials that does not involve anything related to college, every time I attempt to pick a book a find myself not having time to read it and read college material- or feeling guilty that I am not reading the “suppose to read” stuff on the price of “self enjoyment” material. Add to that, writing outside stuff like writing this post- or simply just pouring my thoughts without thinking twice about what I should be or should not be writing and how “formal” the essay should be. Or that it should be flawless of grammatical errors (which will you be seeing a lot in this blog because I do not revise twice upon the post I have written- it is informal and I’m free to speak hence, no grading) just to be to the point and valid with the points I’m stating. It is kind of frustrating at times especially when each doctor had his/her own way of approving which is a good essay and which is not.
After reading “Steal Like an Artist” by Austin Kleon ( Highly recommended) I came to be interested with this author. Along my search with Kleon’s name I found out that he has another book called “Newspaper Blackout” . Basically, the book is a collection of poems using a different methodology than the usual pen and paper method. It is about taking a piece of newspaper and highlighting the words that stand out and scribble the rest of the words and than those “stand out words” form a poem. (Visit his site to learn more about it).
I was, still am, fascinated by the idea and put the book on my “to-read” list. Meanwhile, I got inspired (or more likely stole like an artist) to do a therapy using this method and a canvas.
You see years ago when I was 15 years old ( some of you my ex-blog readers know this) I wrote a book. Published and all but not in stores. Because I hated the book I wrote, yes we come to hate the things that we do. From its dull typical plot, to it’s uncountable grammar mistakes I just left the boxes of one hundred+ books in the closet. So I decided to do a therapy where I renovate my words into other words. My work to other work. Sounds like good therapy to me.
The idea came in taking the first page of each chapter (nineteen chapters in total plus an introduction page) and creating the newspaper blackout thing, than putting it on a canvas that I’ve colored with rusted wall-like color to look like as if its pinned on an old isle wall in some old poor neighborhood.
I admit it has been a while since I wrote anything. Hell, I don’t even remember when was the last time and what did I write about. I would have to check in order to remember. All I can recall is that I was complaining to my friend when i just had started summer course about how I wasn’t writing as I would like to. Anyway I wasn’t away and that means I am not back. I was just in a hold mood until I was done from summer course.
Speaking of summer course I feel the need to elaborate on this subject a bit. You see this is my first time to ever take a summer course and as it is I never expected myself to be this lazy I mean, aside from not writing, I really had gotten lazy. It is like the almost five days between the ending of the second semester and the starting of summer course was not the tad bit enough to regenerate my brain cells. I just attend the three subjects I’ve taken, try as much as I can to concentrate, think I understand something, and go home not doing anything as if the classes I attended didn’t happen. And then I just ended up the course with grades I am not that satisfied with. Thinking of it now I came up with a few conclusions why did I become that lazy person in this course:
1. It’s summer hence it is very very very very very hot, that it stopped my brain cells from working the way it should work properly. I’m sweating bad more like a guy (and in a not cool gym way but the disgusting you don’t want to speak of way. TMI I know!!) The heat makes me think all the day of going home and classes from 9:00 am to 2:00 pm is a long run from going home. (Did I say VERY hot?)
2. Due to the fact that becoming an semi- A student did not happen until I became deeply involved with literature it made sense that I was not interested in the mandatory but awful subjects that did not include any sort of literature. I preferred to leave the literature subjects for the long courses so I could enjoy my classes to the max. ( A literature nerd you say?)
3. I know that I have mentioned before ( here) that I hate vacations and I still do. But it turned out (and I mentioned that as well) that five days is not a vacation or a breather. I needed two weeks at least to reboot myself.
4. Subjects I took were lame. Extremely lame. One was Kuwait history (that I repeated) and the other one even though it is in the English field but it’s the linguistics side and I just … hate linguistics. Why should a literature student take five courses in that field? .. meh.
Even though I when I was done from summer course I said that I wouldn’t be taking it again because the lack of effort I gave I figured out that I will be taking it again and here is why:
1. When calculated how many subjects I had left it turned out with a summer course and a year and a course (that is 3 courses and a summer course) I would be graduating not this year but next year the first half. I can’t believe I’m this close I thought I still had two years. But because I’m planning to take twelve subjects this year ( that is six subjects per course), three in the summer course, and seven in the remaining course this is manageable. I wasn’t even aware of that!!! Yes I know this a lot of stress but I know I could do it (inshAllah) plus I need to graduate first half of the year so I could complete my masters the next year. Turns out for masters if you graduate the first half the following September you could complete but if you graduate the second half you have to wait for the next year to join (weird I know). So yeah if I want my plan to go well I have to take a summer course.
2. See what I said about vacations? Well yeah a three months vacation is a lot for me that is when I hate vacation. At least I made something useful with my life (even though it is not that useful) instead of sitting at home.
For now I am enjoying my Ramadan and what is remaining from my vacation until next course. I will beginning with my new minor (Comparative Literature) which by the way I’m from the very first students who is minoring in this field in Kuwait University (YAAAY!! I’m excited). It is going to be a course loaded with literature subjects (four literature, one linguistics :(, and one philosophy). Let us see how things go on the way inshAllah all to the best.
I feel like shouting another YAAY for finally writing something YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!
I don’t usually update on things that doesn’t involve writing but I do make exceptions especially for my readers to stay connected with me like where to find me. I here have two more locations to find me first thanks to our fellow blogger and app maker Fahad from http://elderwaza.com/ he had added my blog to the ” blogat ” app for iPhone users.
I am pretty sure you’ll like it and you will see other fellow bloggers listed there as well. Thanks!
The other place you could find me in is Instagram under the account ” @norawithletters ” (yup!! my real name is Nora if you haven’t guessed yet.)
There is a small city, so far way and hidden. In it lives little people working and being hyper active. However, because they are little tiny itsy people in a tiny little itsy city nobody knows of this place. The only creatures who know of its existence are flying birds that pass above it and rest in it while immigrating. In this city a natural cycle runs. Newborn babies come into life everyday and old folks die as their journey in life ends.
And yet they were different. Different not only in the sense that they were so tiny (much like a journey in Gulliver’s travels to the tiny people) but in their way of fueling. They, not like regular people fuel on food on water, but have their own way of fueling with a weird kind of way. They fuel on letters, inspiration, and moving forward of the normal people. Whenever normal people thinks of words that are combined with multiple letters, or endorses a new kind of knowledge those tiny citizens would be all energized up. Talking a lot and being the fireworks to normal people. Without the normal people knowing.
Unfortunately, if they are not fueled over time those little people loses their power and slack off. And little by little they lose their souls, and this city become without citizens to count.
All those little people’s pleas are that they keep being fueled. To keep the city going. They are afraid to vanish.