Loop-fide

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My graduate self

I remember when I was excited about everything and anything. I remember when I would be enthusiastic about a sparkle in my head. I use to be a lot of things. This did not go entirely away, but must I say that in some parts it did evolve, became a better version, more knowledgeable and enlightened. But in other parts it just died.

A quick recap. I graduated. I am officially a KU graduate majoring in English Literature and minoring in Comparative Literature. At this point my occupation in this world is the girl behind the screen. Stays up all night and watches 

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Esperanza and Summer Course

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I admit it has been a while since I wrote anything. Hell, I don’t even remember when was the last time and what did I write about. I would have to check in order to remember. All I can recall is that I was complaining to my friend when i just had started summer course about how I wasn’t writing as I would like to. Anyway I wasn’t away and that means I am not back. I was just in a hold mood until I was done from summer course.
Speaking of summer course I feel the need to elaborate on this subject a bit. You see this is my first time to ever take a summer course and as it is I never expected myself to be this lazy I mean, aside from not writing, I really had gotten lazy. It is like the almost five days between the ending of the second semester and the starting of summer course was not the tad bit enough to regenerate my brain cells. I just attend the three subjects I’ve taken, try as much as I can to concentrate, think I understand something, and go home not doing anything as if the classes I attended didn’t happen. And then I just ended up the course with grades I am not that satisfied with. Thinking of it now I came up with a few conclusions why did I become that lazy person in this course:
1. It’s summer hence it is very very very very very hot, that it stopped my brain cells from working the way it should work properly. I’m sweating bad more like a guy (and in a not cool gym way but the disgusting you don’t want to speak of way. TMI I know!!) The heat makes me think all the day of going home and classes from 9:00 am to 2:00 pm is a long run from going home. (Did I say VERY hot?)
2. Due to the fact that becoming an semi- A student did not happen until I became deeply involved with literature it made sense that I was not interested in the mandatory but awful subjects that did not include any sort of literature. I preferred to leave the literature subjects for the long courses so I could enjoy my classes to the max. ( A literature nerd you say?)
3. I know that I have mentioned before ( here) that I hate vacations and I still do. But it turned out (and I mentioned that as well) that five days is not a vacation or a breather. I needed two weeks at least to reboot myself.
4. Subjects I took were lame. Extremely lame. One was Kuwait history (that I repeated) and the other one even though it is in the English field but it’s the linguistics side and I just … hate linguistics. Why should a literature student take five courses in that field? .. meh.
Even though I when I was done from summer course I said that I wouldn’t be taking it again because the lack of effort I gave I figured out that I will be taking it again and here is why:
1. When calculated how many subjects I had left it turned out with a summer course and a year and a course (that is 3 courses and a summer course) I would be graduating not this year but next year the first half. I can’t believe I’m this close I thought I still had two years. But because I’m planning to take twelve subjects this year ( that is six subjects per course), three in the summer course, and seven in the remaining course this is manageable. I wasn’t even aware of that!!! Yes I know this a lot of stress but I know I could do it (inshAllah) plus I need to graduate first half of the year so I could complete my masters the next year. Turns out for masters if you graduate the first half the following September you could complete but if you graduate the second half you have to wait for the next year to join (weird I know). So yeah if I want my plan to go well I have to take a summer course.
2. See what I said about vacations? Well yeah a three months vacation is a lot for me that is when I hate vacation. At least I made something useful with my life (even though it is not that useful) instead of sitting at home.
For now I am enjoying my Ramadan and what is remaining from my vacation until next course. I will beginning with my new minor (Comparative Literature) which by the way I’m from the very first students who is minoring in this field in Kuwait University (YAAAY!! I’m excited). It is going to be a course loaded with literature subjects (four literature, one linguistics :(, and one philosophy). Let us see how things go on the way inshAllah all to the best.
I feel like shouting another YAAY for finally writing something YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!

-Esperanza Writes

Little People (Short Story)

There is a small city, so far way and hidden. In it lives little people working and being hyper active. However, because they are little tiny itsy people in a tiny little itsy city nobody knows of this place. The only creatures who know of its existence are flying birds that pass above it and rest in it while immigrating.  In this city a natural cycle runs. Newborn babies come into life everyday and old folks die as their journey in life ends.

And yet they were different. Different not only in the sense that they were so tiny (much like a journey in Gulliver’s travels to the tiny people) but in their way of fueling. They, not like regular people fuel on food on water, but have their own way of fueling with a weird kind of way. They fuel on letters, inspiration, and moving forward of the normal people. Whenever normal people thinks of words that are combined with multiple letters, or endorses a new kind of knowledge those tiny citizens would be all energized up. Talking a lot and being the fireworks to normal people. Without the normal people knowing.

Unfortunately, if they are not fueled over time those little people loses their power and slack off. And little by little they lose their souls, and this city become without citizens to count.

All those little people’s pleas are that they keep being fueled. To keep the city going. They are afraid to vanish.

-Esperanza Writes

I Want

I want you to hear me even when I’m not talking.

To hear every whisper every word untold

To feel the vibration when it is not felt

Because you, my dear, care

I want you to know that I long to talk to you

Without any words said, because you know

I want to be near, so near

even though sometimes the real distance is far

I want a single of everything to mean a lot,

a single glance, a single touch, a single thought

All means more, more and more.

I want, and what a selfish thing to say, you.

-Esperanza Writes

I Hunger Game You

Have you read the Hunger Games? Have you seen it? Well let us just set things straight okay? I just finished the book yesterday and Hunger games is amazing!!! Especially if you are a teenager and into a lovey-dovey atmosphere. However, the message it contains really really hits politics to the core. It mostly argues the issue of  Darwin’s theory “Survival for the fittest” .. which makes me sigh because I hate this and it makes the future a bit scary to me.

“The Hunger Games” reminds me so much of “The Shadow Children” books by Margret Peterson Haddix, my favorite books then and still. It also addresses the issue of future politics, where third children are illegal to existence and if a parent should have a third child that child is to be killed. Imagine! However, those children are still born but live in the shadows where  they have no identity and there existence is dangerous to themselves. So they stay in the shadows and do not get out until they find a legal identity of another dead person and takes over it but still s/he are in danger. Anyway the sixth book has a good ending that will satisfy you. They are six books in all I’ve read them all except the first one “Among the Hidden” (it is not necessary to read the first one because you eventually see a telling of the same story through the other books). They are really amazing and like I said it is no different than the Hunger Games. Except it does not contain romance as the Hunger Game does. I do not see why it did not became famous as the Hunger Games.It is for preteens-teens but it is really a good read. Any book for Margret Haddix is a good read, she is interested in future issues/ science fiction. My favorite author so far.

Anyway, back to the Hunger Games after I finished it I thought to myself “I’ve decided it is totally appropriate to say ‘I hunger Game you'” and here is what it means. When you say ‘I Hunger Game you’ it means I love you, I care about you, I think about you everyday and I will fight for you till death and that is how I show my love to you. You are so precious to me and if it means going against authority so be it. I cannot live without you. I totally Hunger Game you. So a new phrase has been born.

I Hunger Game You!!

-Esperanza Writes

Invisible Public Figure

[ENTER] Thank you! Thank you [takes a bow]!

Thank you all for coming here to hear of my speech, jaw falling or not, you came here with your invisible spirits hanging around this invisible hall. You come to hear and I come to speak and I do try my best to serve you all what satisfies. You are not treated as subjects but as individuals who make a difference but right now and right here where everything is unseen my invisible figure is to speak of what my heart desires.

I speak for the time of visibility and this no longer becomes an allusion. Some critiques will try to break this speech into pieces that will probably make it more understandable and reasonable and yet I only hope that, that is if they do, it will help be understand as well.

I came here to praise upon myself what have I done.. which is nothing and everything at once. My dreams are still hanging with some roller coaster ride taste in it with a depth of emotion hanging on.

Controversial is always an issue when it comes to me and myself.. we just cannot understand each other but I have hope that one day we will. What I say is a matter of words scattered waiting to be collected.

Life is an abstract word yet we live it and so are our dreams. My dreams are beyond the frontiers, exceeding the limits and so are many million people out there including you. I admire those who came across and made the invisible visible and I am on transition in between the two worlds. I have no more to say other than after I leave this very room one of you will become the next invisible public figure and I will become visible.

Bless you .. [invisible auidence claps] {EXIT]

-Esperanza Writes