I remember when I was excited about everything and anything. I remember when I would be enthusiastic about a sparkle in my head. I use to be a lot of things. This did not go entirely away, but must I say that in some parts it did evolve, became a better version, more knowledgeable and enlightened. But in other parts it just… died.
A quick recap. I graduated. I am officially a KU graduate majoring in English Literature and minoring in Comparative Literature. At this point my occupation in this world is the girl behind the screen. Stays up all night and watches
People love vacation. It is what they long for since the beginning of the year and be sad once it comes to an end. But no no , that does not to apply to someone like me. The truth is I’m in between an idea of assassinating vacation and bring an end to it. All the vacation I want is a week in between studying courses and that is vacation to me, HOORAY I got my vacation then I’m happily back to what I was doing. Here is why I hate vacation:
–Once vacation starts I have those wild ideas coming to me like: make a dream pillow, do a canvas with the receipts I’ve collected, go back to cooking , a long to-read books, grow wings and fly…etc. But turns out I’m too busy doing nothing I do not accomplish any of them until the vacation is over and I feel guilty for not doing them.
–There is no excuses: You have no excuses for not doing things, you have plenty of time but yet you don’t do things and there is no excuses. Your room is messy you do not have an excuse for it not being tidy. You do not go to visiting you have no excuse to not go because apparently not feeling like it is not an excuse.
–You spend most of the time doing nothing: the whole time I try to find something to do I end up doing the following: surfing the net, watching TV, and plenty of eating with no documented movement at all.
–Related to the previous point so many time in your hand makes you think, like A LOT more than I usually do on regular basis some are more close to mental breakdowns. For example last night I was not to able to sleep (I do not regularly have trouble sleeping) because the following thoughts appeared: I’m going to have braces OMG what will my husband think about it? Will there be a husband? Oh No I’m not ready to be married. I don not think I’m up to the marriage responsibility yet. How will I cope with a guy I don’t know? When I will get married? Will there be a marriage at all? OMG I might end up a spinster!! I’m ending up a spinster! Esperanza your being dramatic, so what if you are not getting married it might be better than being married. Here is a back up plan if you reach 30 and you’re not married yet you could always adopt a child…etc. You can assume that I’m not married yet nor in a relationship I just have too many time in my hands to think of such stuff.
–Missing out on things that you’ve been waiting for you whole life to happen because again you are too busy doing nothing and you just can’t pop in the “I was busy excuse”. For example today’s debut Flash mob in Kuwait (wipes tears) (I hate you Zain and Cinemagics for not telling me).
–You feel like a useless drag doing nothing at least when you are in college you are actually studying.
–Spending your money on useless stuff like food. At least when I’m at college I have a reason to buy food. (Food is not useless. I love food. Food will you marry me?)
–Studying is fun! I love LOVE studying literature. I love my major and vacationing means going away from my love. I learn a lot of things and I’m amused in class. (if you are waiting for me to tell you I’m joking you might as well die.)
–I love my studying. My major is fun! (no that was not a mistake I deliberately repeated the point for emphasis).
–When not vacationing I become productive learning everything that has been taught. Write because I meditate in between college breaks while I sit on the benches and see students being themselves and I get inspired. I discuss many topics freely and feel at home.
–Continuing to previous point I get to be alone and think clearly and not think of myself as a drag. I’m thinking and resting at the same time not because I don’t have anything to do. And not have family members intruding (I love my family but I also love some me time).
Don’t worry I won’t be electing myself. I just may end up as your next college professor (don’t worry if you actually wind up with me as a professor I can assure you I’m not cruel).
I’m a sugar addict since I don’t know to tell you the truth probably through my whole life but it has been going on a constant on and off status. But to speak precisely I’ve been an intense addict ever since I started my vacation two weeks ago. I’m not doing anything really except the following: watching TV, writing, reading and having loads and loads of sugar inside my system. Between every couple of hours I feel the need to eat a cake or anything that has some sugar on it and to tell you the truth I have no intentions on solving that addiction. I like it the way it is and I guess that is my way to try to fill up my time I just can’t wait to start college already.
Yesterday while I was having a black forest ice cream (which is basically just chocolate chip ice cream with chocolate syrup) I was thinking I do not want this to end and mourning over the time there won’t be any ice cream left while I still had loads of ice cream left. I stopped a little and thought : wait a second! Why am I not enjoying the moment and leave the latter for its time to come?
And I’ve realized that in general this is how we are, we human beings just neglect what we have in hand and look to a future of we don’t have and we do have. Why don’t we just enjoy the moment as it is? Leave the future till it’s present and live the present while we have it. By those little twist and turns of thoughts we can see a better way of life.
Just a change of point of view.
I have to cut this short because I have to go, but I guess you’ve got the point right?